Commentary: A hitchhiker’s guide to Inverness

  • Published
  • By Staff Sgt. Christopher L. Ingersoll
  • 100th Air Refueling Wing Public Affairs
RAF MILDENHALL, England --  My family and I recently decided to make a trip up to Inverness, Scotland, located on the end of Loch Ness.

Despite several heavy hints dropped by my wife, I never had my van looked at to make sure it was in good order for the trip - a horrible mistake I would learn later.

We piled all six of our children in the van at 7:30 a.m. and began the 10-hour trek to the highlands, adding an extra hour for stops. We finally arrived at about 9:30 p.m. with my nerves burnt down to the nubs because, despite being sure the GPS and my wife were wrong, I got us lost.

The area was truly beautiful and I would recommend it to anyone. We stayed in a remote cottage, surrounded by mountains and lakes. We hiked, sat by the fire and watched the Winter Olympics, found the Loch Ness monster and grilled it for dinner... OK maybe not, but we did enjoy a haggis, which is not as repulsive as it sounds.

Trouble set in the day before we left when I went out to start the car, which was sitting in about 6-inches of snow. As it turns out the battery was on its last leg when we left, and that leg had finally broken.

Being out in the middle of nowhere, I walked out to the road and waited for a car to drive by which took about 20 minutes. They tried to jump start my van but to no avail. When my cars die, they do it right.

The next step was to get to a garage, which happened to be 30 miles away in Inverness. So without technically hitch-hiking - I never actually stuck my thumb up in the air - I got several rides and did a whole lot of walking into town and back to get a battery charger. One of those rides was with an 80-something gentleman who was using his knees to steer the car while rolling a cigarette and asking if I minded if he smoked.

The next brilliant move on my part was not reading the directions to the charger because after all, I'm a real man and we don't need directions. So I toasted the fuse in the charger with the raging flames of my stupidity and it didn't come with any extras. No problem. A couple of meat skewers and a rubber band later, and the battery was charging.

By the next morning, the battery was ready to go. Two hours into the trip home the van started to wobble like Santa on a skateboard, and despite my assurances that it was just the bumpy roads, my wife insisted that we stop and get it checked.

As it turns out the big piece of metal that holds the tire on the car was snapped in half and the only thing keeping it from flying off at high speeds was the springs. The added bonus was that three of the four brakes were leaking fluid - again, when my car breaks it does it right. The nice chap at the garage told me that he could make the repairs, but since I had bought a Japanese import the parts would take a couple of weeks to get and would cost nearly two thousand pounds.

Needless to say I didn't have that much money, nor did I have the time to wait for the parts, so we explored other options and decided to take the train.

320 pounds later, we were crammed into a train that had overbooked the seats. One man was so cranky that he threw a full fledged fit like an infant who lost his bottle, complete with loud swearing and spitting when a woman in a wheel chair had the nerve to take his seat.

My patience also began to wear thin when a young man on the other side of the car rudely told my wife, who had a 3 year old in her lap, that she was in his seat.

Luckily for him my wife was in a generous mood and found another seat, or she would have had him crumpled up on the floor in seconds.

Several long hours and stops later I finally arrived home with life lessons cemented in my mind. When you're going on a long trip, it's in your best interest to get your car checked out first. Your wife probably knows where to go and you don't, and always read the directions.

To get your car checked out contact the auto hobby shop at DSN 238-2480. Their hours are Monday through Friday, 8 a.m. to 8 p.m., Saturday 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. and Sunday noon to 6 p.m.