Airman shares mother’s story of breast cancer survival

  • Published
  • By Karen Abeyasekere
  • 100th Air Refueling Wing Public Affairs
RAF MILDENHALL, England --  Staff Sgt. Jeffrey Dwyer was 17 when his mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1998.

"One of my first reactions was thinking, 'What are the chances I'll get it?'" said Dwyer, 95th Reconnaissance Squadron supply NCO from Massena, New York. "I asked my school nurse, but all she said is that it wasn't as common in males, and there was only a small chance that a male may get it."

Julie Dwyer-St. John, Jeffrey's mother, was 43 when she received the diagnosis.

"She took it pretty hard," said Dwyer about his mom.

It was during a routine breast exam by the doctor that a lump was discovered. One week later, it was confirmed she had breast cancer.

"I didn't believe it," said Julie in an email. "All I could think of was 'I'm going to lose my hair.'"

But instead of waiting for the inevitable baldness to happen, Julie's son said she shaved her hair off and bought a wig.

"She said she didn't want to see the clumps falling out," he recalled.

The cancer was aggressive and Julie opted to have a breast removed, followed by four weeks of chemotherapy. The chemo ended up damaging some of her major organs, forcing her to take even more medication.

"I took it day-by-day," she said. "All of (my family) kept an eye on me, and I went to a cancer support group. Family and friends were the biggest support group I had though, but emotionally it took its toll on me, and eventually I wasn't able to work any more."

Dywer's mom added that the side effects disabled her, which in turn, made her more determined to get through it.

The supply NCO said he felt his mother's greatest struggle came when she was undergoing chemotherapy.

"I saw her on really bad days, and some of her good days on chemo," he said. "On the bad days, I knew it was rough ... she would keep to herself in the bedroom."

Dwyer said one thing he found hard during his mom's ordeal was the lack of attention he received.

"I understood what was going on, but didn't know why. At about age 17 or 18, I started smoking - my theory behind that was, if I'm going to get cancer, I'm going to choose," said Dwyer. "My mom didn't get (that choice)."

At 18 and finding it hard to cope with different stresses he was going through, Dwyer moved from New York to California, hoping "the grass was greener" there.

"I moved to the other side of the country, but one thing I learned is that you can't run away from problems," he said. "Just because you're running away from (one) set of problems, there (may) be more problems somewhere else."

Dywer joined the military when he was 22, and said since then, the relationship with his mother has improved no end.

Although he was affected by his mother's breast cancer, Dwyer wasn't offered support for the turmoil he was experiencing.

"I didn't really know who to talk to and I didn't know who would understand what I was going through," said Dwyer. "Back then, there wasn't really that much information out there; it was still new to everybody and they didn't know what was causing it, or have the research they do now,"

The Massena native said his outlook on life has changed over the years, due to his experience with his mom's cancer.

"When I was younger, I just thought 'I'm going to live every day.' I had my everyday stressors, but now, being an uncle of nine kids, three of whom have autism, I live one day at a time. It's opened my eyes and brought me and my mom closer than we used to be, even though the distance is greater.

"There are some (people) in the world that keep me level, even though they aren't around me on a daily basis - she's one of them, and my nieces and nephews are the other," said Dwyer.

Despite her struggle and everything she's faced, Julie is still here today. She's a survivor.

Dywer said he donates to breast cancer awareness programs by donating through the Combined Federal Campaign. Because of his lack of knowledge about it when he was younger, he's adamant that it's imperative for people to be more aware of the risks and what to do if anyone feels they may be at risk.

"There's always someone out there who has either experienced cancer, or knows somebody who has been through it," he said. "Don't be afraid to check yourself. If you (find a lump,) talk to someone. I'm sure if they'd caught (the cancer) a bit sooner in my mom, things might have been different."