COMMENTARY: That Guy: Four words, endless possibilities

  • Published
  • By Anonymous
  • That Guy campaign office
WASHINGTON, D.C. --  This may be the most unconventional commentary you've ever read. If you've ever been carried home from a bar by your friends, read on. If you've ever greeted the suggestion to "open a tab" as an all-you-can-drink challenge, read on. If you've ever been the center of attention because you passed out in the center of the dance floor, definitely read on.

Some lessons are best learned through tough and memorable consequences - those we experience or witness. When it comes to the downside of excessive drinking, that's definitely the case. Now any man or woman in military service has undoubtedly endured countless lectures, speeches and warnings about binge drinking, drunk driving and other alcohol-induced bad behavior. However, no education I've ever experienced drives the point home like four simple words - "Don't Be That Guy."

Those, my friends, are words to live by. We've all been out on the town and seen That Guy making a fool of himself (or herself, because girls can definitely be That Guy too). Sometimes we laugh at him, but it ceases to be funny when That Guy wrecks your evening by acting like a meathead, or getting you kicked out of the bar, or getting arrested, or bleeding in your car, or smashing your TV, or puking on your shoes or ... well, you get the point.

The beauty of "Don't Be That Guy" is it's open-ended advice - it covers a million possibilities. It's also not judgmental. It isn't saying don't drink, or don't have a few beers with your buddies, or don't go out and let loose a little. It simply means don't overdo it, don't lose control, don't be an idiot.

I've seen some "That Guy" behavior in the military. But, I've also seen it from frat boys, sorority girls, businessmen/women and even my relatives (anyone else have a cousin who barfed in the shrimp bowl at a family wedding?). Poor judgment knows no bounds. The trick is to avoid it; learning from others' mistakes can really help.

What are some reasons not to be That Guy? Here are 10:
1. You look better with two eyebrows.
2. Puking through your nose hurts.
3. Insurance doesn't cover stupidity.
4. "I am not the designated driver" doesn't make it ok.
5. Shopping carts are not a good form of transportation.
6. A $200 bar tab isn't as funny the next day.
7. They took your clothes and left you a birthday suit.
8. Mistaking your closet for a toilet.
9. "I don't remember" is not a legal excuse.
10. What you don't remember, your friends will.

So, if you want to keep your friends, your reputation, your money, your dignity and other stuff you value, do yourself a favor and just "Don't Be That Guy."

Words to live by, for sure.