COMMENTARY: The right amount of humor Published May 9, 2014 By Col. Daniel Merry 100th Mission Support Group commander RAF MILDENHALL, England -- The right amount of humor, used with clear thought under the right conditions, can earn a leader a place in the inner circle among the people they lead--get it wrong and the exact opposite can happen. For leaders, humor is quite a bit more than just telling a joke, it's the sum total of circumstance, experience, context, interpretation, tolerance, anticipation, timing, luck and other factors. This array defines the conditions under which humor might or might not work. Sounds terribly complicated considering the topic. After all, if it makes people laugh isn't that enough? Well, maybe for a comedian, but for a leader humor should be treated as a tool to relieve stress, improve working environments and relationships, not just a means to an end. Comedians generally don't care if they hurt someone's feelings as long as the greater intended response is achieved. Leaders on the other hand must care about feelings, attitude, temperament, unintended consequences, and add those to the array. Here are some general guidelines to help us down that precarious path of humor in the workplace: Never get a laugh at the expense of an individual; to do so risks an attack on their self-esteem. We all have weaknesses or "hot buttons" that trigger unpleasant memories or thoughts. Someone's jovial acceptance may be genuine or may be a cover for hurt feelings. I learned this lesson the hard way. Several years ago, an individual in our organization who was maybe the shortest officer in the group, and known for dishing out jibes and taking his fair share due to his height, was leading the group staff meeting. The head individual of the commissary was there and asked for volunteers to help restock shelves after a renovation. This officer, leading by example, said he would help, to which I immediately replied, "And who's going to get the top shelves?" The timing was perfect and the laughter was more than I had intended. It was very funny to everyone in the room except him. I was embarrassed. I remember the hurt in his eyes to this day. What went wrong? He was short, but was a big boy and regularly endured similar wise cracks--even led them at times. The overwhelming laughter was probably a factor (a comedian's home run); maybe he hurts every time someone jokes about his height, even though he jokes about it himself. Regardless of why, I had failed the leader-array-calculus test. For the record, I apologized that same day and I could tell he expected it. Appreciate that all humor has limits and there is a time to move on. If people are making fun of a rival football team, a quip or two might not hurt--especially if your team is part of the rivalry and just beat them, but don't dwell. Anything more than light-hearted fun can leave unintended scars. Be mindful of others who have team-like affinities: cat lovers, Elvis fans, Beanie Babies... if people identify with something to such a degree that they deck their office with memorabilia it is probably off limits. Don't mess with someone's passion. Pranks are off limits, especially for leaders - the very nature of a prank is to get a laugh at the expense of someone. And since a prank usually involves kinetics or multiple players, there is just too much that can go wrong. Even with these seemingly stringent guidelines, there are ample opportunities to provide some levity to the workplace. Be able to laugh at yourself and your mistakes, share your humorous stories with others so they can get a laugh too. Colonels and Chiefs: we are not as funny as we think; sometimes the youngsters are laughing at us. To that end: A colonel and a chief walk into a bar... you'd think one of them would have seen it.